Sunday, April 8, 2012

Easter 2012-living with our eyes open

Today at a family gathering, I was reminded, surprisingly so, about a tendency that is now no more unfamiliar to me than the back of my own hand.
While my Uncle played DJ to our gathering, his sister, my Aunt, made a song request and when he acceded, she then proceeded to ask that he play the same song again.
Her daughter then began lightly teasing her about it and jibed her about how she used to put a song on repeat in our younger days and leave it on the spindle for hours.
At this point my cousin brought me into the debate and asked if I also recalled when these occasions happened, which I do and I did.
Now, the song in question was Leo Sayer’s “When I Need You”; judge as you will, I recall hating it by the 3rd go ‘round. And it would go on, and on, and on…
My Aunt then dragged my Mom into the debate by asking if she didn’t do the same thing when I was younger and, I had to admit, while the artists were different, I recalled her doing that as well.
Mom would put on a stack of LPs and let them blare throughout the house, when they were done; she would re-queue and do it all over again.
I now realized, this is exactly the routine I play out when I’m in a mood; good, bad or indifferent. You find a song, or songs, which encapsulate your feelings at the moment and wallow in whatever emotions you’re currently dealing with.
I also remember that Mom’s were typically some very melancholy songs, themes of regret, apology or plain sadness.
Until today, I had no clue; So much for being a clever dick.
When I’m in one of those moods, I too, tend to just tune out everything around me and after the song has done its duty, I want nothing more than to do it again- Sam.
Without getting too interpersonal, I have to admit our family had had its share of turmoil but of all the manifestations I recall, nothing resounds with me today as much as the ‘sad song on replay’ and that I failed to recognize it until this, my 46th year on Earth, bespeaks of how much, so very much, there is for me to still learn.
Today, Mom was happy & dancing, enjoying the company of family, extended and close and reveling in the music that was presented, no harm, no foul.
But – Shame on me, and quietly, on my cousin for not seeing the moments in our younger days when the omnipotent parent was, unbelievably, sad.
As it happens to us, it happens to them – And I officially apologize for my error.
This is my paean to Mom because I refuse to play Leo Sayer –

Easter Sunday 2012-Schatzie Guerra

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